He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
