??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
