All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
