i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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