It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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