I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
