Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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