mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
