The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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