I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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