dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
