dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
