Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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