fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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