Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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