I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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