Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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