Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
