you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
