Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
