I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
