bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
