It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
