Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
