i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The adults are the big ones right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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