Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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