Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You made out with two different species that night
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
