and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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