yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
