We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
