nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
