Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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