you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
