Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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