I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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