Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
