Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize