I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
