he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
