i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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