can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
