did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
