My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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