just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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