Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
