I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
