I am puke
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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