I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
