my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
