Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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