I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
