Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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