Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
