i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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