I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
