You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
