The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
