Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.