Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night