i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.