Texts From Last Night

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  (559): View more from California

  I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great

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  (559): I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great http://tfl.nu/r602
  Replies (5) Good night (2865) Bad night (506)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting

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  (913): You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting http://tfl.nu/1yn1
  Replies (21) Good night (2856) Bad night (1075)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.

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  (724): Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like. http://tfl.nu/trgq
  Replies (10) Good night (2878) Bad night (736)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  He is an equal opportunity slut.

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  (816): He is an equal opportunity slut. http://tfl.nu/40gq
  Replies (10) Good night (2519) Bad night (717)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!

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  (732): wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative! http://tfl.nu/b5c4
  Replies (67) Good night (6944) Bad night (1065)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.

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  (320): That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying. http://tfl.nu/lgsw
  Replies (30) Good night (4092) Bad night (1073)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger

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  (717): He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger http://tfl.nu/u6xr
  Replies (22) Good night (1439) Bad night (5083)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan

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  (361): like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan http://tfl.nu/pxmf
  Replies (15) Good night (2531) Bad night (1015)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.

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  (315): Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet. http://tfl.nu/7a74
  Replies (17) Good night (9132) Bad night (918)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.

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  (631): Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you. http://tfl.nu/saac
  Replies (6) Good night (3718) Bad night (855)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now

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  (954): The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now http://tfl.nu/qowj
  Replies (10) Good night (3579) Bad night (802)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself

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  (843): I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself http://tfl.nu/cqdr
  Replies (6) Good night (1877) Bad night (758)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV

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  (773): Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV http://tfl.nu/tf9d
  Replies (0) Good night (513) Bad night (286)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!

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  (419): Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!! http://tfl.nu/h9u7
  Replies (0) Good night (562) Bad night (267)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this

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  (313): If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this http://tfl.nu/se64
  Replies (4) Good night (301) Bad night (275)

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