Texts From Last Night

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  (234): View more from Ohio

  Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey

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  (234): Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey http://tfl.nu/njnw
  Replies (1) Good night (1520) Bad night (667)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.

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  (845): Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand. http://tfl.nu/fgi3
  Replies (0) Good night (654) Bad night (1061)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.

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  (506): Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites. http://tfl.nu/r5fj
  Replies (19) Good night (3189) Bad night (814)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.

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  (847): i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1. http://tfl.nu/5eb0
  Replies (46) Good night (1906) Bad night (5787)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.

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  (720): I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group. http://tfl.nu/a06b
  Replies (7) Good night (5577) Bad night (839)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake

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  (317): Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake http://tfl.nu/x5vz
  Replies (22) Good night (1790) Bad night (4643)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?

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  (503): So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it? http://tfl.nu/4plu
  Replies (14) Good night (3816) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Semen is not good for contacts.

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  (727): Semen is not good for contacts. http://tfl.nu/krg1
  Replies (10) Good night (1129) Bad night (3324)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.

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  (207): I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose. http://tfl.nu/mchv
  Replies (5) Good night (1504) Bad night (788)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"

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  (402): He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by" http://tfl.nu/24bz
  Replies (14) Good night (503) Bad night (2208)
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  (771): View more from

  i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.

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  (771): i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey. http://tfl.nu/c3n2
  Replies (11) Good night (562) Bad night (1174)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.

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  (703): Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding. http://tfl.nu/fi6z
  Replies (0) Good night (1100) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.

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  (240): The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off. (301): Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes. http://tfl.nu/qb2k
  Replies (3) Good night (1134) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now

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  (608): I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now http://tfl.nu/jhxl
  Replies (3) Good night (631) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm

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  (707): I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm http://tfl.nu/rltc
  Replies (3) Good night (718) Bad night (296)

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