Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm too high and old for this...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
