I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm passing your future prison.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
