Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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